I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
