youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize