you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
