also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
