he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
