Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
They are going to name an STD after you.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
