Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
