now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
