I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
