you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
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We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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