Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
