I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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