I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
