So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
