he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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