I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the condom got lost in my hair
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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