gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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