I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
