The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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