hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
