I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
