Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
