Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I need water and some morals
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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