imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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