I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
