Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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