i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
