He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Barsexuality is the new black.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
