i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
