i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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