Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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