I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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