And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
