i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize