This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
