I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
