I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
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Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
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Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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