I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
