I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize