i think my mom watched the whole time
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
