I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
