Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
