My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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