i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
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I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
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Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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