do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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