I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
