I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
