She's JV to your varsity
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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