youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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