I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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