hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize