How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My feet surprised me
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