kristin has been a bad kristin
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
