How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
