I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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