you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
