god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
