So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize