So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think my moral compass just broke
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