Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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