The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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