Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
